


Three Words

by IWishIWasRoyalButImNot (TreehouseIsOnFire)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Canada, Cats, Depression, F/F, F/M, FUCK YOU I DON'T WANT NO AMERICAN POLITICAL BULLSHIT, Feels, Fluff, M/M, Noose, Original Character Death(s), Original Characters - Freeform, Original Story - Freeform, Panic Attacks, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, Suicide, as in hits you in the soul with an ax feels, don't worry the dog lives, holy shit i just an anti-muggle tag that's beautiful, i blame tumblr for my issues, i'm so sorry for hurting your soul, mental issues, self-hate, triggering content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 23:33:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14343294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TreehouseIsOnFire/pseuds/IWishIWasRoyalButImNot
Summary: Rest here, bring your head nearYou won't find your fears inside these armsRest here, on my shoulder dearI will comfort you from all the harmAnd I heard you crying, so quietlyI heard you crying, won't you cry on meOh, let me just hold you now all your lifeI heard you crying, so quietly, last night





	1. Deloria

 

Jay ran through the ally ways, tumbled through the bushes, and climbed fences, trying to escape. He was schizophrenic, and the voices wouldn't stop. Jay believed that a demon had entered his mind, and was trying to harm those around him. To him, the only way to save his parents was to run, or die.

He named his demon Deloria, and was constantly haunted. Unfortunately, Deloria was very good at intimidation, and can be very dangerous to our dear friend Jay. This time, Deloria was yelling.

_**"You're useless!"**_ he screamed, " ** _Pathetic! You don't even have the nerve to talk to your own parents!"_** Jay collapsed in the shelter of a maple tree.  ** _"Why can't you just build up the courage to kill yourself?"_** Deloria spat, words dripping with venom.

"Because I don't want to die!" Jay screamed back, "I just want this pain to stop!"

_**"Your chest hurts, a deep, internal pain that the doctors don't notice, but you feel it every. Waking. Second. You feel empty, hollow, and an happiness is only temporary. I will make your pain worse, and worse, until you stop trying to feel other emotions and give in."** _

He knew Deloria's threats weren't empty. Already Jay's depression had been worsening, to the point that he even thought about killing himself. Clearly, Deloria wasn't about to give him a break anytime soon. Might as well ask though. 

"Please, stop, it hurts, it hurts so bad." Jay pleaded, "I can't hold on for much longer."

_"Hey kid, you okay? It doesn't exactly sound like you're planning a birthday party over here."_


	2. You Okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new character is introduced, and Jay freaks out.  
> (short, sorry, but more chapters are coming out soon)

I sighed. Sure is a gloomy day today. Not to mention some kid climbing fences and making nearly every grumpy old cat lady pissed.

"Because I don't want to die!" I jumped, startled at hearing a shout so close. "I just want this pain to end!"

Happy.

I followed the voice to an empty park full of maple trees. Ah, Canada. So different from the rolling green hills of Ireland. I spotted the kid under one of the larger trees. He seemed 14 or 15, with short dark brown hair, pale skin, _really_ pale skin, and green eyes that seemed like they used to be bright and lively, but were now dull and empty, with dark bags under them. He was wearing a simple red and white striped tee-shirt and scuffed jeans. Not the kind that are ripped on purpose, but they seemed to be torn from falling and climbing.

"Hey kid, you okay? It doesn't exactly sound like you're planning a birthday party over here." I asked. He jumped up, startled. He was about half a foot shorter than me. 

"I-I'm fine." He stuttered. Uh huh. I totally believed him. Must've shown in my eyes, because he said, "Really, I'm okay."

"Kid, you have bags under your eyes, your skin is practically hanging off your bones, and just now you were screaming about wanting the pain to stop. Obviously, you're not 'okay'." As I spoke, he looked more and more panicky, until all of a sudden he ran. Straight off through the park. That's not good, but I don't know if I should follow him. I felt dread weighing down on me as I watched him get further and further away.

This happened last time too.

When I lost  _her._


	3. Drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHAfeels

No. No no no no no. She heard me. Oh god. She'll think you're a freak just like everyone else. They all hate me. I'm so stupid. I shouldn't have stopped, I should have kept on running. Until I died. No, knowing me, I would have messed up my own death. Heh. Ha ha ha. AH HA HA HA HA HA!

I laughed until I couldn't breathe. Pitiful. But the pain, the pain that won't go away. Dammit, WHY WON'T IT JUST GO AWAY?! Why...

I started sobbing, kneeling on the riverbank. My chest felt empty, hollow. I fell sideways, half-way between laughing and crying. My heartbeat accelerated to a dangerous rate. Suddenly, I threw myself into the river, putting my head under. I wasn't going to let myself come up for air. Not ever. Nothing was going to stop me now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like our dear friend Jay has DETERMINATION
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> sorry.  
> ANYWAY sorry about the short chapter, but i hope the feels made up for it!


	4. No, Please

 

I followed him, I had to. That kid was nowhere near a stable mental condition, who knew what he would do in a state like that? I couldn't run quite as fast as him, so I fell behind a little. Part of that was because I wasn't going to follow him at first. Then I felt guilty for not trying to help him more, so I was pretty far behind.

It seemed like the kid wasn't paying attention to where he was going. I don't think he even looked. It didn't look like he cared. Suddenly, he burst out laughing. He laughed until he ran out of breath, then he started crying. Not regular crying, but the heaving sobs of someone who's given up and can't go on.

He fell to his knees, and I was about to go up to him, but then he threw himself into the river with no warning. He was swept downstream, underwater the whole time. I dived in, hoping I could catch him in time.

Because I was swimming, I went downstream faster, so I caught up to him quickly. However, it didn't seem like I was fast enough. I grabbed his torso from behind and swam to shore, keeping his head up the entire time. Fighting against the current, I managed to get to the rocky riverbank. The kid's skin was cold and clammy, and his chest wasn't moving. No pulse either.

I took out my phone, luckily I bought a waterproof one. Calling 9-1-1, I started CPR. 30 chest compressions, was it? I tilted his head back, pinched his nose, opened his mouth, and blew. I was desperately hoping I had got the steps right, and repeated them. During the chest compressions, I spoke to the 9-1-1 operator, telling them our location and other necessary information.

I don't know how much time passed, but I continuously performed CPR until the firemen and medics pulled me away. Their voices sounded far away, and I found my head filled with thoughts for this kid that I don't even know. This kid, he sounded so  _broken_. So hurt, his eyes and voice both empty and filled with pain at the same time. What could have happened to him to hurt him like this? To cause him to throw himself in the river, to try and drown himself? I'm not sure I even want to know.

I notice a policeman trying to talk to me. His words slowly come into focus.

"Miss. Miss, can you hear me? Say something." I slowly look at him. "Miss, can you tell me your name?"

"V-Vin." I stutter.

"Okay Vin, we're going to take him to the hospital. Are you family?" I shook my head no. "Well, I'm afraid we can't take you with us. Can you make it home by yourself?" I nodded my head yes. "Okay, well you can go home, we'll take care of him. Do you know his name?" I shook my head. "Okay, well, you did the right thing getting him out of the river. You may have given him the chance he needs to make it."

He walked away, but I didn't notice. I was too busy thinking about how much this is like what happened to  _her._


	5. I Failed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay woke up.

Blinding lights. Noise. A ringing noise. My eyelids; they're so heavy. My arms too. And this surface, it's so heavenly soft. Am I dead? No. No, there's a pain in my chest. There's no pain when you're dead.

I failed then.

It didn't work.

I'm still alive.

Wait.

Someone stopped me.

Did they?

Or did they just find me floating?

This is confusing.

My head hurts.

I'm tired.

I want to sleep.

Sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm awake again.

Why.

I don't want to be awake.

My head hurts.

My chest hurts.

I can't breathe.

Good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I fell asleep again.

I'm waking up more often.

I just want to sleep.

 

 

 

 

I can open my eyes now.

The room is white.

I don't like it.

It smells like a hospital.

I'm in a hospital.

Of course, I am.

I'm tired.

 

 

 

 

I can't fall asleep.

There are people.

No.

Just one person.

A nurse?

Yes.

A nurse.

He's trying to talk to me.

What is he saying?

I can't hear him.

Why can't I hear him?

I'm tired.

I can't fall asleep.

I'm falling.

There's black in my vision.

I can't breathe.

I can't move.

I can't see.

I'm weightless.

I'm dying again.

Maybe I'll succeed this time. 

 


	6. Churro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> doggo.

It's been a week. I can't find out how he's doing because I don't know his name, and I don't think the front desk would just let me look around for him. That encounter brought up memories, memories that I would rather stay hidden. Bittersweet memories, memories of sunsets on mountaintops, of beautiful, tinkling laughter floating on the wind, of cherry-red lips saying, "I love you."

We made a promise to each other in ninth grade. A promise to never leave, to never abandon each other, even if we couldn't handle being alive, we would never hurt one another. But you couldn't do it.

You promised, Selena.

And you left me alone.

How could you do that? I was standing right there as you fell, like an angel falling from heaven. So beautiful, but so sad. You fell with the snow, arms stretched out as if you could fly.

And then you hit. I don' know what it sounded like, my world had gone mute. The pavement broke your bones, shattering the side of your skull. I felt numb. No emotions, no thoughts. Then I heard a scream.

It took me a minute to realize that it was my scream.

Agony.

Pure agony.

Agony at the sight of your body.

Agony at the realization that I would never hear you talk again.

Never be able to lay with you at night.

Never be able to watch musicals and sing with you at the top of our lungs.

Never be able to kiss you.

Never be able to comfort you.

Never be able to love you.

I shake my head, trying to disperse the thoughts. I stop, realizing I'm at my front door. I stand there for a moment, not wanting to go in. When I finally unlock the door and step inside, I'm greeted by a small bundle of fur knocking my legs out from under me.

"Hey Churro!" I laughed, picking him up, "How's my favourite doggo doing?" He barked gleefully, tail moving his entire back half. I bring him upstairs with me and put him down, before I collapsed onto the bed. I was  _tired_. 

I felt a gentle pressure on my stomach as Churro settled down, and I rested my hand on his curled up body. My eyes fluttered closed and my breathing evened out, and I slipped into unconsciousness.


End file.
